We’ve all done this and or are currently doing it!
Blaming others and taking moral high ground can be a very safe and comfortable place to live.
Being faultless and stuck in victim mode is can seem easier.
The path of least resistance.
Using phrases like “how dare you speak to me that way” or “don’t give me attitude” are often shelters for not wanting to hear what the other person has to say.
Caring more about delivery then content can be a convenient way of not taking responsibility for our own actions or being self aware.
Which is not to say others don’t need to take responsibility for their actions, they certainly do, but we need to acknowledge our participation as well.
What is my 50%??
How am I participating this this issue?
What am I hearing from other person?
What is their point of view?
Instead let’s try:
• Active listening. Hearing without judgement or scrambling for an answer or defense.
• Put yourself in their shoes. This seems obvious but takes practice. Overriding knee jerk defensiveness can feel scary.
• Acknowledge what’s being said feels painful in the moment and that you need a break to process your feelings. When you’re ready get back to the content of what’s been said.
• Ask questions. How, why, when. How did that feel?
• Chose one thing you can do to shift the problem.
• Be accountable. Don’t say you will if you won’t. Lip service makes problems worse.
• Say you’re sorry.
• Explore your own behavior and what purpose it served.
No body is perfect and striving to be is an impossible waste of time.
Look at yourself with curiosity, empathy and compassion. Look at them with the same.
Be honest about your challenges and celebrate your strengths!!
Let me know if these strategies help or if you’ve got another one we could try!
I’m so proud of you for digging deeper and facing your fears.
Danielle Anderson is an Integrative Nutrition Health Coach, who's passion is brain and body wellness. Certified in Mindfulness and Integrative Mental Health. NAMI teacher, QPR Instructor, mom of 2, Zumba instructor, lover of cats, the ocean and books!
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